thoughts on the art-making train ride thinking

when it looks like you’ve got a snake/worm burrowing beneath your skin…

gah. I think I’ve been doing counter-productive ceramics practice the past few days. I don’t stop for breaks and i ignore those cramps. Now I’ve got what I deserve and my wrists hurts like hell.

this week is like a roller coaster ride. started the week happy, and I mean really happy. I was touching up my drawings and feeling really satisfied, met my aye-candy, had fun with my friends etc. Then when I finished up most of my drawings and decided to focus on ceramics whole-heartedly, the tension, anxiety and self-doubts are back again.

Its like, I keep wondering why I falter when I’m not supposed to. Before I switched major, I couldn’t produce a single piece of nice still life but my clay works were made wit so much love; I had the freedom to experiment, make mistake and express myself, the moment I switched to ceramics, I started making clay pieces that got crappier and crappier, my drawings started looking so vibrant, free and expressive. WHY!?!?!? D:

I know the answer, I just hate why I can’t change the fact that I just don’t fit well into a fixed system. I just need a lot of privacy, freedom, room to experiment and explore, time to think and liberation from the education system.

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