it could have been instant death.

So after 9 days of hospitalization and a minor surgery, a fibrous scar tissue was removed from my windpipe. Till date I still have no idea how much the whole process cost and how much effort exactly went into helping me live life more fulfilled and ample breathed.

firstly, there is the issue of unequal healthcare distribution. Yes, I know I am lucky to be born in a developed country where I have insurance or some form of medical coverage and benefits provided and there are plenty of skilled doctors, nurses and hospitals to care for me and get me to spend money to buy my health back. but If I were born elsewhere less fortunate. perhaps I wouldnt even give a second thought to my short breathness and just think its because there is a flu bug going on in the community or that I’m born ‘weak’ and hence I should work harder to save up for my family’s stability. but here I am, just bumming around in the bed, being pampered by caring and helpful nurses and doctors while I fret about how I want to share the attention, care and facilities I was fortunate enough to enjoy with those who are sick in other parts of the world not so luxurious. Every time I see the excessive amounts of food offered to me only to be left unfinished despite my hardest attempt pains me. Here I am feeling too full and wasting food while many go hungry and we are still constantly claiming we will have food shortage crisis and are constantly clearing more land for agriculture.

Whenever I look back seeing those filthy rich people seeking first rate VIP medical treatment out of their own country while many others in their country cant even afford to get themselves vaccinated from tuberculosis and poxes, I think that money can almost buy you a life. there are people willing to give up their kidney, liver, cornea, etc, for money to study so they can break out of their poverty and of course theres the filthy rich who uses his surplus of savings to buy himself more time on earth to indulge in greed and avarice.

I am extremely, wholeheartedly grateful for all the food, attention and gifts and supplements I have received from everybody BUT if I had things my way… I would just get the operation done the day the problem was discovered. Spend one day in the hospital (not because I want to, but because its inevitable due to anesthesia and the fresh wound). And the remaining costs saved can be donated to de-worm and vaccinate a few children in a rural village. Instead of having a team of doctors fussing over me, I would choose to just have one doctor, cut the root of my misery away and dump me aside to sleep it off and the rest of the doctors are sent to treat other sick people one-to-one and all the left-over doctors can have time to go overseas and volunteer. And the same goes to nurses. But i think nurses are extremely overworked and abused by nasty, self-entitled patients and they deserve more break, so perhaps I would wish for nurses to have more day-offs and get more respect and have the right to sue any jerks they encounter at work and refuse to provide care should they feel abused or mistreated. And of course, I wish all the bread, porridge, soup, noodles, cakes, yada yada yada, can be delivered to those who are starving instead of being fed to me, a perfectly nourished and healthy person who has never experienced circumstantial-induced hunger.

and of course, lastly, I still wish I will never live too old to the extend I become handicapped, senile or someway dependent on others. I hope my mind and body lasts together just enough and I dont want spend money on healthcare when I’m old. I rather donate to charity, because then the money is used to nurture new hopes and dreams, not to delay the inevitable death of just another dispensable person on earth.


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